a lot on my plate

think of some of life's biggest changes & decisions.
now think of doing a couple of them at the same time.
now add a few more to that.
now you have my life over a several month period of time.

getting engaged.
moving. twice.
new job. with TERRIBLE schedule.
buying first house.
redoing said house.
becoming a parent.
parenting a teenager. and a teenager's busy schedule.
adjusting to life as a family of 3. plus dog.
planning a wedding.
preparing for a marriage.

and boom. i have a lot on my plate. and kinda feel like i'm not able to put my best effort towards any of it. currently my house is a mess with some partially painted walls & drop cloths permanently in our entryway. & untouched rooms with unpacked boxes, still. my wedding has a bajillion things left to do, and not nearly as much of my own personal touches added as i would like. YET. i don't see my family anywhere near as much as i would like due to aforementioned terrible schedule. (4pm-4am & every other weekend? uh, no thanks.) i'm fairly certain i'm gaining weight instead of losing it as i should before the big day, in less than 100 days. which is beyond discouraging. but i'm exhausted. and running at 4:30am after a 12 hour shift lost its charm after just a few short weeks. blah.

i think i'm just a little overwhelmed. and all we can do is laugh about it. after all, we made the decision to take this all on at once. and we are making it happen. the house may be a mess, but it will get cleaned and decorated how we want it, it just might not happen today. or tomorrow. the wedding will happen & be fantastic & i have a wonderful mom who is helping so much! and then our marriage will begin & i can't wait. mickaela is happy and loving her new school & already has so many new friends. which makes us both so happy & confident in our decision to move when we did. i like my job. well, usually.

one day i'll look back and wonder "what was i thinking?!?!" but i'm doing it & making it happen. WE are making it happen. and becoming more of a family as the weeks go by.

but still, a lot on my plate.

Meet Chad

...or "Jad" as my little cousins like to call him. 

No matter what you call him, he's pretty great. 

He is genuinely kind.

He smiles big and laughs hard. 

He has ridiculously cute dimples. 

He is sarcastic and knows how to put up with the same from me. 

He is smart. I mean really smart.

He's funny. Seriously. (Ask him to sing purple drank.)

He's quiet. We can talk for hours.

He's adventurous, and makes me want to try new things.

He gives perfect hugs. 

He's honest and a man of integrity.

He's laid back. And patient. 

He loves his family. And my family.

He's encouraging and supportive.

He is a blessing.

He loves me. He understands me. He was meant for me.

Of all the things I know and love about him, the thing most obvious to me is he is the man I was meant to marry. I am certain of that. He is the one I'm intended to spend my life with and the person I want to grow old with. I'm overwhelmed by just how strong my love is for this man, and even more by how I continue to fall more and more in love with him every day. 

Our relationship is a constant reminder of how the Lord has a plan much greater than any I could formulate myself, as this is better than I could have ever imagined. It's incredible to realize how the events of our lives up to this point, with every bump along the way, have helped to shape us into the people we needed to be for each other. Not by coincidence or chance. This is how it was meant to be, in perfect timing.

One of Chad's greatest qualities is he is a fantastic father. He has a daughter named Mickaela. She's fourteen, and wonderful. And an added bonus! Remember how I said I've been reminded about the greatness of the Lord's plan over my own? This is a huge example. If you had told me a year ago that I would be engaged to a man nine years older than me who had a teenage daughter and lives 200+ miles away, I never would have believed you. Today, I can't imagine my life any other way, and thankfully I don't have to. They are my family.

When I look at these two, I am reminded that the Lord answers prayers, and His provisions in my life are great. 

I am happy, I am loved, I am in love. I am blessed.

I am excited to see what our future holds.

Here Ya Go

This past year has arguably been the best & most life-changing year of my 26 thus far. Granted, I don't remember the first few, but pretty sure this one takes the cake.  In fact, now that I am actually taking the time to update this blog again, I realize that of all the times I should have been better about journaling, this year was it. It has been a whirlwind to say the least, and a play-by-play to look back on in a few years would be awesome. But what can ya do? I know there are only a handful of people who actually read this blog now, because there hasn't been anything to read. And that small handful of people are likely the ones who already know what's been going on, so maybe these next few posts are just for me, and I'm okay with that.

To be honest, I've tried to start blogging again so many times these past couple of months, and every time I do I just give up. There's just so much to say, and I really don't know where to begin. So I guess I'll just dive right in to where I am now, and go back later and catch you up on the details? Alright.

The biggest news is I'm getting married to Chad Parsley on January 5, 2013! In 240 days. I'm so excited! (240 days doesn't sound like a whole lot now that I think about it! Yikes, I have a lot to do before then!) I think he deserves an entire post to introduce him, but here's a sneak peek...

I know this isn't the clearest picture, but I love it :) (Baylor Homecoming last fall)

In the past year I've fallen in love and gotten engaged...how's that for an update? In the past few weeks I've quit my job, accepted a new job that I"ll start soon, left Austin, moved to Euless for a month, been house hunting in Prosper, and tried to start planning a wedding. It's been a little crazy lately, but basically, I've never been happier or felt more confident that I am exactly where I need to be in my life.

YES, I'M STILL HERE

So, 2011 is over. And how many blog entries did I make in that year? Zero. None. Zip. Nada.

Maybe this is unacceptable? Well, my goal for 2012 is to actually write on my blog. Heck, even one time is better than last year. That's a pretty achievable new year resolution I'd say. And no, this one blog post doesn't count. I promise you at least one more. That is, if anyone actually still reads this thing? Anyone?

A LOT has happened in the past year. And I have so much to say :) But I've been a little busy. A catch up is definitely in order. So there you go...a teaser of sorts. If anyone is still aware this blog exists, perhaps I will achieve my 2012 goal of blogging so I have something to look back on in a few years....because after all, one of my original purposes of starting this blog was for myself too.

So check back sometime, maybe I'll be here :)

And happy New Year a few days late ;)

quarter-life crisis, and then some

Turning 25's not that big of a deal, right? Well, if you had told me that this time last year I could have come back at you with a million reasons why you were wrong. Heck, this time 10 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. (well, probably not, I think I was a lot nicer then)

But I mean seriously, we're talking 25 here people, twenty-freaking-five!?!?! Yah yah, I know all you old people are laughing to yourselves thinking "just wait til you get to be (insert your large numbers, I mean age, here), and then we'll talk", but this felt huge. I don't know why, it just did. Maybe because I had an unofficial check-off list of what should be done by this age? And yes, admittedly, 1o+ years ago I thought that being married with at least one kid was a reasonable expectation for any respectable and successful 25 year old (throw in the white picket fence, a golden retriever, and a homemade pie cooling in the window, and you're set).

Maybe because I have this strange idea of a natural progression of set stages in life (as mentioned in previous posts) and I'm realizing that's not necessarily the case? Or maybe 25 felt huge because it actually IS HUGE, in small ways.

Can something be huge, in small ways? I'm voting with yes. As much as I can list off a really (really) long list of the things I want in life, things I wish I were doing, things I want to own, things I want to accomplish, and things I wish I had already accomplished, I can make a list just as great of what the last 25 years have held for me.

I live in a fantastic city. Cute house. Wonderful friends. Incredible family.

Education. Faith. Job. Independence.

Twenty-five. Huge, in small ways.

Maybe life is more than a check-list of achievements and progressions, and I need to kick-back and enjoy the ride. (How cliche can I be?) Some advice I heard recently was "enjoy the beauty in each day." I laughed, out loud. Seriously. Rude, I know (remember when I said I was nicer 10 years ago? Here's proof.) But maybe that really is part of it. Screw the check-list and have some fun. Every day. Sometimes I just need little reminders like this. Prepare for the future but enjoy the day to day. (Granted, it's tricky when my job has been far less than ideal lately, but I'm gonna work on trying to find the beauty in my crazy patients who think it's fun to spit pee on people. Yes, you read that correctly. Wanna come to work with me sometime?)

Wow, this is not AT ALL where I was going with this blog post! What the heck? Sorry. I was just going to throw up some pictures of one of my birthday festivities with some of my fave people and my favorite Waco restaurant. Gotta love the El Con'

And to put this whole quarter-life crisis thing in perspective, we recently celebrated my grandparents' birthdays (82 and 85!) They are wonderful people and the best grandparents ever (I know I'm biased, but you should meet them, and I think you'll agree)

So there ya go, quarter-life crisis averted. Now I'm off to go find some Advil for my aching back, I am twenty-five after all.

Coincidence?

Remember those three little letters I said are starting to haunt me? Taunt me, if you will? The one I told you about on Wednesday. The same Wednesday that a package arrived from Amazon for my roommate. An unopened package that sat on the coffee table, not giving any hints as to what was inside. The package for my roommate, who I hadn't really talked to in a couple weeks except in passing due to being out of town and opposite work schedules. My roommate, who unbeknownst to me, started to get that same antsy feeling, and ordered a book while I was gone. That book was delivered, from Amazon, on Wednesday, and sat on the coffee table as I told you about my recent inability to get this test off my mind.

"Jessica, so you know that package that came in the mail yesterday? You're never going to believe what was in it, after your whole thing on the GRE."

This book was sitting there, all wrapped up, and hiding. Taunting me.

Getting Antsy

This seems to be a growing theme for me lately. Maybe because this is pretty much the first time since I was 4 that I haven't been in school. Maybe because this is the first time since I can remember that I'm not in a "stage" of life with a clearly defined end point and distinct "next step." Life in the so-called real world and my big girl job doesn't have a graduation ceremony or a predictable time frame. High school was 4 years. College 4 years. (Unless you go for round 2, like someone you know). If you move somewhere for college, you get a free pass to move again, anywhere you want, after 4 years or so. You have the chance to make big life decisions, big moves, big changes without major repercussions. Again, clearly defined stages, steps, progressions. Umm, real world, where are these laid out in your plan?

All I know is that I'm getting antsy. I think for me, grad school has never really been a matter of IF I will go, but rather WHEN I will go and FOR WHAT. This is still the question, but I'm wanting to know the answers more and more these days. I like what I'm doing right now, for now. Being a nurse in the ER has major pros and just as big cons. This can be said of any job I'm sure. Really this antsy feeling doesn't have too much to do with what I'm doing right now, where I'm living, or how I'm liking it. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that I need something specific to work towards? Or because I need to be pushing myself more? Or I get bored way too easily and change my mind way too often?

Regardless, the three letters GRE have been running through my mind over and over lately. Maybe I should just take the dang test now? That way when this antsy side of me starts to take over, I'll be ready for the "next step." Ha. Next step.