Cloudy Days

We've had some cloudy days lately...it seems like everyone in my program has been really discouraged. I feel like we've just been waiting for the sun to break through the clouds, and it just hasn't happened quite yet. At this point, I think we're all just holding on 'til our break in August.

We started our preceptorships this week. We just completed our first rotation of group clinicals, and now we're assigned to one specific nurse and we each work their schedule for the next 3 weeks. I did not enjoy the group clinicals. Not at all really. I consistently left the hospital discouraged. Leadership in those situations dictates a lot of how our confidence levels and attitudes will be, and we didn't have much help in that area. I lucked out and got a got preceptor, after being switched from a different one and then being told I was going to have to work at the hospital jail. I'm pretty sure mention of the jail (and rushing all my clearance paperwork through bc it would already be late at that point) was the last thing I needed to hear that day, and my clinical instructor and the floor supervisor could see that written all over my face, and so I found a preceptor on the floor I had been working on. But that's not the case with all of my friends. Preceptors-not always so good. So here we are, thrown into a new environment, new responsibilities, new expectations, little guidance, and basically zero encouragement. We are working 12hr shifts day after day on top of studying for ridiculous tests, while still trying to 'make new friends, and keep the old'. It's all manageable and doable, but here's the kicker...(and I can't believe I'm about to actually admit this, but here it is...)

At this point, I'm not even sure I like nursing. And the problem is, that is how most of my friends here are feeling too, which doesn't help the overall morale. I have put my life on hold for what I felt was preparation for a career that is perfect for my life's passions and purposes, and now I'm consistently discouraged. Sounds ridiculous, I know. And I keep telling myself that I will enjoy it a lot more when I am in an area/unit that is more specific to what I want to do. (right now I'm on a general medicine floor). We are learning some very interesting stuff (I secretly like school sometimes). The patient interaction is my favorite part. I will go almost the whole 12 hour shift questioning why I'm here and why I'm doing this, but one smile from a patient, or one sweet word of affirmation brightens up the day. Nursing opens up so many doors and opportunities, and I'm praying my attitude will change. I'm sure this is just an attitude problem and I just need to 'put on my big girl panties and deal with it.' Yes?

I just feel like I keep pushing off "starting my life." I have known since junior high what I wanted to do with my life. What I am here for, what my purpose is. It hasn't changed. And I never seem to get there. I've changed the path to getting there a million times. Am I making my life take detours for fear of actually achieving my goals? Scared of reckless abandonment in exchange for a fruitful life? Am I scared to loose connections here? Am I being obedient? What am I supposed to do with my life here Lord?!?!

I want to be overseas... Loving on kiddos all day. Loving people. Teaching parents how to best provide for their family. Encouraging and empowering women. Swooping up orphans in my arms and giving them the biggest hug they've ever had. Sitting down at a feasting table with precious children who haven't had a good meal in who knows how long. Loving the Lord with all of me, and letting that overflow onto everyone around me. (Idealist?)

Yes, I can get there with nursing. But when? It's just discouraging. I feel like my life will never 'start'. AHHH....Until then, I'm still here. Thanking God for a couple of precious friends I've made here, without whom I don't know what I'd do. Praying for a positive attitude, clarity, and affirmation that I'm right where He desires for me to be. Praying the same for the rest of my classmates who feel the same way right about now. And the sun will break through the clouds soon.

Birthdays full of Blessings

This past week both of my grandparents celebrated big birthdays...my grandma ("Nini") turned 80 and my grandpa ("Pop-Pop") turned 83!

If you've known me for longer than a week it's quite possible you've heard me talk about how awesome my grandparents are...maybe you've even heard me say something to the effect of "I'm like seriously OBSESSED with my grandparents! Seriously!"...but in an attempt to ditch the Baylor-girl lingo in exchange for real-word vernacular I'll simply say that I really enjoy my grandparents company...hmm, yah, no...that's not gonna work...."I'M LIKE SERIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH MY GRANDPARENTS! SERIOUSLY!"...yah, that sounds more like it! :) Obsession is a strong word, I know. But if you had grandparents like this, you'd be obsessed too! Why you ask? Because I will forever have these cherished memories with two of the most important people in my life...

-Nini had a special pink teddy bear sippy cup that had the inexplicable ability to make us feel better in seconds.

-My grandma spent countless hours on the floor playing with us and reading books to us...I'm talking "Danny the Dinosaur" here!...it doesn't get much better than that

-Baking Christmas cookies with my Nini EVERY SINGLE YEAR since I was born...going on 23 years of cookie baking! Mmm Mmm

-When we would spend the night, we would get "sandwich treasures" in our school lunch...made everyone jealous haha

-They would come to our house at ridiculously early hours on Christmas just to make sure they saw what Santa brought us...and Nini never fails to make her famous Frederick coffee-cake (ps-I still make them come early on Christmas morning...they secretly love it. I think? haha)

-My Pop-Pop always had donuts for breakfast...always! We did NOT have that at home, that's for sure!

-My Pop-Pop teased us 24/7 growing up...He is a funny funny guy and keeps us smiling!

-My grandparents are the type of people who would do anything for anybody. I have a feeling my grandma would give the shirt off her back if someone needed it. They both love completely with their ever-expanding hearts, and love unconditionally. They have become surrogate grandparents to my friends, and to countless people at their church and, well, pretty much everywhere they go!

-You know that cute couple that still holds hands everywhere they go? And you can just see how hopelessly in love with eachother they are after almost 60 years...you know, the couple that every person dreams of being when they grow up? The people that restore your faith in true love and in relationships grounded in respect and addoration...yah, my grandparents are those people! (good example, that's for sure!)

-They love the Lord. Love the church. Love their family and friends. Love eachother.

Basically, they bless me immeasurably. I love them more than mere words can express. I do not take it for granted that in my life I have had the privilege of knowing 3 grandparents, and for having my Nini and Pop-Pop be so deeply invested in my daily life for so long!

Happy Birthday Nini! Happy Birthday Pop-Pop! I love you both! :)

Creepy, Crawly, COCKROACHES!!!

Even the title is enough to gross you out I'm sure! Well, let me take you back to my past 2 nights. So I was sitting in my living room around midnight two nights ago...I was sitting there studying and watching 27 Dresses. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a ridiculously HUGE Cockroach flew onto my wall. And let me tell you, this was not your average cockroach (as if any cockroach can be considered average?). This thing was MASSIVE. I'm talking the type of thing found in Will Smith's dreams, the perfect start to the next Men in Black movie! After my initial freak out at my disgusting new roommate, I made sure to take a picture for your viewing pleasure. It was literally more than 2 inches long, and had little antenna things that were probably 1.5inches longer, and its wings kept moving back and forth. The picture doesn't fully capture it in its full glory, but here ya go!

Don't be impressed with my bravery...I zoomed in. You think I would really get this close? Well, actually, I did. I had to! I couldn't let this thing just stay in my apartment right?!?! So my first plan of action, text message people for moral support. Okay, I'm ridiculously grossed out by 2 things...Rats and Roaches. I've had one rat experience in Galveston already, which I'll talk about later, and now this is a roach situation I was not prepared to handle. Dramatic? Yes. But that's me, and I needed people to know, so I texted, in the middle of the night, with picture attached. Nobody seemed overly panicked, so I was on my own. This is where the ridiculousness comes in. By this point, Baylie had noticed this new little friend on the wall, and had parked herself on the floor right in front of it, never taking her eyes off of it. So it was okay for me to go prepare for the roach removal, because if that roach made any sudden movements, I'm sure Baylie would have jumped up that wall so fast and goodbye Cockroach! (Baylie does NOT need a cockroach snack, she's getting fat as it is, and she's too cute to have cockroach breath.) So I got a plastic sack and put it inside out on my arm, got 3 paper towels to grab him with (the thicker the better, you dont' want to feel the CRUNCH! haha), and set off to get him! (I put socks on too, cuz if it got away from me, I did NOT want it running across my bare feet!) I snuck up, took a deep breath, and BAM! Went in for the kill! It got away!!!! It flew off the wall (towards me!) and went behind the tv...I'm literally screaming and dancing around like a pansy at this point (I'm sure the neighbors love me). I moved everything out, and walked around the living room, on the furniture, with cool socks on, with my arm covered in a paper sack, trying to catch the dang bug. How cool am I? I was NOT happy! To make it better, while I'm doing this, I see a baby roach by my front door! What the heck?!?! (I live less than a block from the ocean, and the bay is right behind my apartment...they come up from the water. My friend Laura lives in the same complex and her and her husband have seen them also, so don't think my apt is disgusting!)

I got the baby, but not the gigantic one. I went to sleep that night with cotton rounds rolled up in my ears (I would have used cotton balls, but I was out, so I improvised.). Why would I have cotton in my ears? All I could think about was the roach crawling into my ears while I was sleeping, and having roach babies in my head! So cotton it was. Sticking out of my head. Picture Shrek, minus the green. I woke up the next morning to Baylie pulling them out of my ears haha.

But last night, I got payback. The same exact time, in a different room, I was studying again. (Notice a theme? Studying in the middle of Friday and Saturday nights? So cool, I know). The thing made its grand entrance once again! This time I was ready. Same routine, same ridiculous looking Jessica, but this time, SUCCESS! After a 10 minute chase around the room, and several minor crisis diverted, my new roommate was dead. Crushed and suffocated and triple bagged in the trash (not taking any chances that he could get out!). Wow, I'm an exterminator now. Who could have guessed it? So after this entirely way too long story about a disgusting little creature, this post is over. Just wanted to get sympathy where I can. I'm sure most of you fellow roach-haters can understand. This was no normal situation. But I survived, with a little over-dramaticness on the side.

Picnics, Parks, and ...Thunderstorms?

So apparently it's a tradition for the faculty of the Bacc2 program to give us a picnic/party to celebrate the 1/2 way point of the summer semester...they told us that they realize how busy we've been/how insane the workload they've given us has been. So they gave us a picnic. We had "scheduled fun!" (and the funny part is, it was supposed to be LAST Tuesday, but they overbooked us, and had to push it back a week..haha).

So yesterday was the day of the picnic! We had an exam in the morning, seminar on campus, then we were all going to head out to Galveston State Park for the picnic...as we're sitting in seminar, we hear thunder...and more thunder, louder and louder! [For those of you who thought Baylor parking was bad, you've never been to UTMB...it's ridiculous! Our parking tags are only for street parking, and the signs where we park all say "This area FLOODS when raining."...apparently cars have floated away. cool?] Anyways, everyone had to go move their cars, in the rain...after that little event was over, we get a call from the instructor in charge of the picnic..."Picnic's on, rain or shine!" Usually, we'd blow it off and just not go (you should have seen the lightning over the water...insane!), but this was our one shot at non-study/non-school time, and we were going! Picnic or bust...

It ended up being a really fun time! I've been with the same people day in and day out for the past 2 months, but it's always in a lab, test, or clinical setting. There are a couple of girls I hang out with regularly, and I love them!...but most of these people I've only seen in scrubs. (who knew they actually had clothes other than burnt orange scrubs?!?) Not everyone lives on the island, so the only time 1/2 of them are here is for class stuff...so it was fun to be able to just hang out with everyone w/o having to be focused on school. Our instructors cooked briscuit and beans, a million different side dishes, & baked homemade cookies...I was impressed.

We pretty much watched the dark clouds roll on in and saw the lightning/heard the thunder all around us...but the rain held off! (well, for the most part...look at the pics...the hair is evidence of the not so great weather, but whatev). There are 2 guys in the program (2 guys, 38 girls...sounds like Baylor), and they brought surf boards and a skim board (?)...a couple ppl tried their luck at that...I did not. I watched. Can you see me trying to surf for the first time in front of 30+ ppl? Most embarassing moment just waiting to happen!

The beach was fun, the people were fun, and we didn't get pooped on by the seagulls...that makes it a great day :)

This is our practice celebration for April 2009! (GRADUATION!!!)

Mary Alice...my first friend in Galveston (and maybe the only other one w/o family in the area?)...we keep each other sane (or try to)

This is majority of the Bacc2 group!

Some of my favorites :)

OH GALVESTON...HOW I LOVE/HATE THEE!

Okay, so update since the last post. (I know I'm a horrible blogger, whatever). Left Waco. Moved to Galveston. Started a one year nursing school program at UTMB. And got lost in the whirlwind.

Basically, my life has taken off, and I'm just trying to catch up! Galveston's great! Galveston sucks! Confused? So am I, don't worry. All I have to do is turn left out of my apartment's parking lot, drive for less than a block,and BAM! I'm at the beach! Granted, it's a brown water, unidentifiable smell, watch out for rotting seaweed kind of beach, but it's a beach nonetheless! Tans can happen here. Relaxation can happen here. Fun can happen here. So the problem? I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE BEACH!

Mkay, let's back this train up a couple of stops. Picture it...last summer/fall I'm applying for nursing schools. I'm living off of my parents with a 4 year mega expensive Baylor degree in hand, and doing not a thing with it. Wait, I take that back...I was waiting tables at the fine dining establishment that is Chili's, and going to community college. Is that what the admissions counselors had in mind when they accepted me to Baylor? I'm sure they'd be proud. Anyways, I digress. So I'm applying for nursing schools right around the time the "going nowhere with my life" mentality sets in. So my first thought is to speed up the process. University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, TX..."accelerated nursing school program." Accelerated? One year to complete two years of nursing school...more clinical hours completed in a year than the 2 and 3 year programs...fast fast fast. Well, the done in one year thing hooked me. "Fast paced learning for motivated students." Motivated? Yah, I was motivated to do something with my life other than serving fried food to grumpy people, is that what they meant? Anyways, I applied, thinking all along I would end up in Dallas. Hoping all along I would end up in Dallas. After all, isn't that what you do when you graduate from Baylor? Waco for a couple of years, then head up to DFW area...it's basically Baylor's 5th year. Pretty much every friend I have with the exception of a few special ones are in the Dallas area. And I could think of nothing I wanted more than to be in Dallas with them, living the life...except for finishing nursing school, and finishing as fast as possible. And the application process continued. I had already applied to Baylor's nursing school (much to the dismay of my parents...and my bank account/lack of back account) and had been accepted. It started in January. In December, I was in NYC with my mom and some family friends, and got a call from UTMB. I was selected for an interview. Seriously? Wait a second...GALVESTON? Yah, I applied, but really? But I went to the interview. On December 19th. On December 20th they mailed out the letters. December 23rd I got the acceptance letter. December 23rd I get super excited. And super freaked out. I'm not supposed to go to Galveston! I'm supposed to go to DALLAS! Hello! Galveston is the opposite direction!!! Lord, what are you doing?!?!

And then it hit me...throughout the entire process I prayed. Before the process began, I prayed. For several years, I've prayed. Prayed that the Lord's will be done in my life. Prayed that His path be chosen over my own. Prayed for His desires to be that of my own heart. Prayed that my life is used for His purposes, whatever that may be. And specifically, prayed that the nursing school I attended be where I was meant to go. The acceptance letter to UTMB was right. And I accepted. And told Baylor that I in fact wasn't starting there in less than 3 weeks. My life course changed, just as it had months earlier when I made the decision to pass up job offers in exchange for a couple years of more schooling to become a nurse. All of this was not without hesitation, questions, and doubt. But I am confident the Lord is bigger than that and has a plan better than I know.

So fast forward a little bit and here I am. In Galveston. Where most people are on vacation, super relaxed and without a care in the world. And I have never been more stressed in my life. I think my life moves faster than I do these days. Some days, i love it. Some days I question what the heck I was thinking. When they said 'accelerated' and 'fast-paced', they weren't joking around. Whirlwind is a better description. But you can't say that on the website.

I'm meeting new people, and missing the old. Desperately missing the old. And yet, I get overwhelmed at the idea of visitors, simply because my calendar is overbooked as it is. Every second dedicated to something. But I want people to come visit in a major way. I feel like my life is on hold for a year. I miss my friends, my family, my life. Sometimes I feel discouraged, but more often than not I feel like I don't even have time to acknowledge my own feelings to recognize that I'm discouraged. I've met some really great girls who are all experiencing the same thing, and they've been wonderful. It's hard to put into words, impossible to describe. And this all sounds over dramatic. (me? over dramatic? never.)

Basically, I'm busy. With a ridiculous amount of obligations and expectations. And it can be overwhelming. Especially when I consider the fact that everything I'm learning is important for the rest of my life. We started clinicals a couple of days ago, and the real world is here. Real lives, in our hands. Here we go folks, dress rehearsal's over and the show has begun!

In it all, the Lord has been faithful to teach me new things. And a faithful refuge. As I go on throughout the year, I'm finding comfort in knowing that I'm here for a purpose. I'm grateful for the people I've met and continue to pray for a positive attitude. I love what I'm learning and I'm thankful for the opportunity, I just feel like I'm missing out on a lot at the same time. But...whenever I get breaks, the beach's right outside! YAY!

So there ya go, you're officially updated. With some major events in between left out. (like my best friend getting married last weekend, for example!). So come to Galveston, I'll be here. Loving life, and stressing about life at the same time! These past months have been a crazy journey of wonderful opportunities, challenges, and chances to grow. K, back to studying. I'll be back to update soon. Maybe?

Jessica

Court Tagged Me, So Here it Is!

10 YEARS AGO:
I was a 7th grader, on the tennis team (I'm sure at that time it was still a joke that I was attempting to play tennis! ha!), a band nerd, and basically the definition of AWKWARD! I mean c'mon, it was Jr. High! (I was probably on Spring Break around this time...man, I wish I was on Spring Break now!)

THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST TODAY:
well, I'm working 8-5 at the law office, then 5:30-close at Chili's, so that's about all for my day today! (are you jealous?)...but I also need to call and get a UHAUL reserved, price Internet/cable in Galveston, and order a cake for a shower :)

WHAT WOULD I DO IF I SUDDENLY BECAME A BILLIONAIRE?:
Well, I'd probably start with a new car (mine's kinda like a little matchbox car right now haha)...and I would go backpacking through Europe for sure! Put a huge chunk of it away for savings (think about how much you can make off of a billion dollars! whoa!)...and I would LOVE LOVE to build a school/orphanage in Africa! (I know it sounds cliche, but that is most definitely a huge desire of mine!)

THREE OF MY BAD HABITS: (just three?!?! jk)
1. nail biting (how gross is that?)
2. leaving stuff in my car instead of just taking it inside (if you've ever been in my car, you know what I mean. I'm doing better though!)
3. procrastinating. (on pretty much everything. that's gonna get me far in life, huh?)

FIVE JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Server at Chili's
2. "legal assistant"
3. Day Camp counselor for underprivileged kiddos
4. Bed Bath and Beyond
5. The Center (rec place at my church...basically I was a glorified babysitter. and taught swim lessons.)

FIVE THINGS PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME:
1. I LOVE going to aquariums.
2. I want to live in Africa at some point in my life.
3. I want to adopt at least one kid (I can't wait to be a mom!)
4. I hate steak.
5. I'm ridiculously scared of fires.

I tag: Jennifer, Jen, and Erin

Looking Back, Looking Forward

The first week of the new year has passed, and soon the second will be gone as well. Looking back on the past month, my life has changed in some fairly big ways. A little over a month ago, we found out that my cousin Jennifer's growing baby is a girl! So early April we will joyfully welcome baby Kylie Brooke into our family! Alex will be a big brother and we can't wait for her to get here!

I finished up what I thought were the last of my prerequisites for nursing school at the beginning of December, ready for the next chapter of my life. (come to find out, I still have one more class, but I can take it online, so no biggy). But where would the next chapter of my life be? Well, Baylor nursing school in Dallas thought I was coming there (if that had actually taken place, I would have had orientation this morning, and would be currently living in Dallas.) However, that is not the plan. On December 19th I had an interview with the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, TX regarding admittance into their accelerated one year nursing program. Two days later, they sent out my acceptance letter! Hallelujah! I'm in! So another big change! Starting May 1st, I will be thrown into a world of clinicals and nursing classes at a ridiculously fast pace. And I'm so excited. Yes, it's going to be intense, but I'm ready for it. After much prayer, I knew I should go to nursing school. And now once again the Lord has opened up a huge door of opportunity, and I anticipate wonderful things to come from it! So Galveston, TX, here I come! You ready?

Christmas was wonderful, as usual. I enjoy our family traditions so much. Christmas definitely changes each year as I get older. When we were younger, Jonathan and I were so excited to wake up and see what Santa brought! My grandparents and aunt and uncle got to our house ridiculously early to share in our excitement. The excitement of Christmas has not faded, but I'm starting to realize that it's merely shifted. Yes, the giddy excited feeling of not being able to fall asleep on Christmas Eve because you can't stop thinking about Christmas morning is wonderful and I definitely have had many sleepless Christmas Eves...but the joy and excitement of spending such a wonderful day with your family is just as great. My family, since Jonathan and I are older now, is enjoying each other's company. We're soaking in the memories, reminiscing on the blessings of the year, and celebrating the birth of our Savior and His glory. It was a great Christmas with the people I love most!

However, the week in between Christmas and New Years Day and the days folling have brought many trials for my family. A treasured member of our family has had health problems for some time, and is continuing to get worse. We are blessed in the fact that we have been able to make hospital visits to my aunt in Austin, and then in Dallas. She is now at home in Austin, and our family is looking forward to spending as much quality time with her as possible. But it is hard to see people I love so much in such pain. It is difficult times like these that make me fully realize how blessed I am to be part of such a close, strong family. This Saturday we are celebrating my uncle's birthday in Austin at their home, and I'm excited to see them.

The New Year has come, and it's a year full of possibilities, hope, and expectations. Finishing up one chapter of my life. Planning for the next one. All with great anticipation! With all this said, Happy New Year! I hope 2008 treats you well!