quarter-life crisis, and then some

Turning 25's not that big of a deal, right? Well, if you had told me that this time last year I could have come back at you with a million reasons why you were wrong. Heck, this time 10 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. (well, probably not, I think I was a lot nicer then)

But I mean seriously, we're talking 25 here people, twenty-freaking-five!?!?! Yah yah, I know all you old people are laughing to yourselves thinking "just wait til you get to be (insert your large numbers, I mean age, here), and then we'll talk", but this felt huge. I don't know why, it just did. Maybe because I had an unofficial check-off list of what should be done by this age? And yes, admittedly, 1o+ years ago I thought that being married with at least one kid was a reasonable expectation for any respectable and successful 25 year old (throw in the white picket fence, a golden retriever, and a homemade pie cooling in the window, and you're set).

Maybe because I have this strange idea of a natural progression of set stages in life (as mentioned in previous posts) and I'm realizing that's not necessarily the case? Or maybe 25 felt huge because it actually IS HUGE, in small ways.

Can something be huge, in small ways? I'm voting with yes. As much as I can list off a really (really) long list of the things I want in life, things I wish I were doing, things I want to own, things I want to accomplish, and things I wish I had already accomplished, I can make a list just as great of what the last 25 years have held for me.

I live in a fantastic city. Cute house. Wonderful friends. Incredible family.

Education. Faith. Job. Independence.

Twenty-five. Huge, in small ways.

Maybe life is more than a check-list of achievements and progressions, and I need to kick-back and enjoy the ride. (How cliche can I be?) Some advice I heard recently was "enjoy the beauty in each day." I laughed, out loud. Seriously. Rude, I know (remember when I said I was nicer 10 years ago? Here's proof.) But maybe that really is part of it. Screw the check-list and have some fun. Every day. Sometimes I just need little reminders like this. Prepare for the future but enjoy the day to day. (Granted, it's tricky when my job has been far less than ideal lately, but I'm gonna work on trying to find the beauty in my crazy patients who think it's fun to spit pee on people. Yes, you read that correctly. Wanna come to work with me sometime?)

Wow, this is not AT ALL where I was going with this blog post! What the heck? Sorry. I was just going to throw up some pictures of one of my birthday festivities with some of my fave people and my favorite Waco restaurant. Gotta love the El Con'

And to put this whole quarter-life crisis thing in perspective, we recently celebrated my grandparents' birthdays (82 and 85!) They are wonderful people and the best grandparents ever (I know I'm biased, but you should meet them, and I think you'll agree)

So there ya go, quarter-life crisis averted. Now I'm off to go find some Advil for my aching back, I am twenty-five after all.

Coincidence?

Remember those three little letters I said are starting to haunt me? Taunt me, if you will? The one I told you about on Wednesday. The same Wednesday that a package arrived from Amazon for my roommate. An unopened package that sat on the coffee table, not giving any hints as to what was inside. The package for my roommate, who I hadn't really talked to in a couple weeks except in passing due to being out of town and opposite work schedules. My roommate, who unbeknownst to me, started to get that same antsy feeling, and ordered a book while I was gone. That book was delivered, from Amazon, on Wednesday, and sat on the coffee table as I told you about my recent inability to get this test off my mind.

"Jessica, so you know that package that came in the mail yesterday? You're never going to believe what was in it, after your whole thing on the GRE."

This book was sitting there, all wrapped up, and hiding. Taunting me.

Getting Antsy

This seems to be a growing theme for me lately. Maybe because this is pretty much the first time since I was 4 that I haven't been in school. Maybe because this is the first time since I can remember that I'm not in a "stage" of life with a clearly defined end point and distinct "next step." Life in the so-called real world and my big girl job doesn't have a graduation ceremony or a predictable time frame. High school was 4 years. College 4 years. (Unless you go for round 2, like someone you know). If you move somewhere for college, you get a free pass to move again, anywhere you want, after 4 years or so. You have the chance to make big life decisions, big moves, big changes without major repercussions. Again, clearly defined stages, steps, progressions. Umm, real world, where are these laid out in your plan?

All I know is that I'm getting antsy. I think for me, grad school has never really been a matter of IF I will go, but rather WHEN I will go and FOR WHAT. This is still the question, but I'm wanting to know the answers more and more these days. I like what I'm doing right now, for now. Being a nurse in the ER has major pros and just as big cons. This can be said of any job I'm sure. Really this antsy feeling doesn't have too much to do with what I'm doing right now, where I'm living, or how I'm liking it. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that I need something specific to work towards? Or because I need to be pushing myself more? Or I get bored way too easily and change my mind way too often?

Regardless, the three letters GRE have been running through my mind over and over lately. Maybe I should just take the dang test now? That way when this antsy side of me starts to take over, I'll be ready for the "next step." Ha. Next step.

Failure is NOT an Option

I have recently been 'reminded' by both friends and family that I am failing as a blogger. I guess an 8 month hiatus is the definition of one big blogging failure. So in an effort to avoid such labels, I'll try to catch you up as much as possible! My life in pictures over the past few months...

OCTOBER

Becky's wedding (everyone came and stayed at my house in Austin, so fun!)

Halloween party with work people

NOVEMBER

Thanksgiving with my fam (1st Thanksgiving I had to work, hello real world. But my fam is awesome and waited to celebrate til Friday)

DECEMBER

Trip to NYC with Katie at Christmastime. Broadway, White Christmas, shopping, Rockefeller tree, Santa at Macy's, so much more...LOVED it!

San Antonio with my mom and MA...River Walk, shopping, Feliz Navidad!

Christmas morning

JANUARY

Dallas to celebrate these girl's birthdays

FEBRUARY

Parents got a sweet new puppy named Lacy

MARCH

John Mayer Concert

March Madness Houston trip to cheer on my Bears in the Sweet 16/Elite 8 games

APRIL

"Little Ladybug" party for Kylie's 2nd birthday celebration

Lisa Ling presentation with my mom, grandma, and Lori

Galveston for Carolyn's graduation and graduation celebration (got to see all my nursing school friends 1 year later)

Wedding for work friend

NYC with mom, mom's best friend and her daughter (Kim and Whitney) for Kim's 50th birthday celebration

MAY

Minnesota for cousin Molly's wedding

I just flew back in from Minnesota a few hours ago, so how's that for being caught up on my life! Taking cue from the roommate, all these pics were a good reminder that even though I sometimes feel like work is all I do these days, I've managed to fit a couple other things in as well :)

I have lots to say, lots to tell you, but never seem to find time to blog about it. I'll try not to take another 8 month vacation.